Herd

I have lost my herd. In the world of horses, the herd is everything. The herd represents safety, security, support, comfort, shelter, food, sharing, leadership, decision-making, teamwork––everything a horse needs to thrive. Colby was my herd.

When I was sick, he was the first to notice. When I'd lock myself out of the house, he was the one who could crawl into our secret entrance. When I needed to move something heavy, he was always there. And not just recently. It's amazing how much an eight- or ten-year-old boy can help, be a team member.

When you come from a small family, a small herd, each member relies on others more than in larger units. Each member does double duty, completes more jobs. Imagine your immediate and extended family. Now imagine all of them gone. When you are a herd of one, you realize that being part of a herd is not one sided. Herd members help each other, seamlessly, in thousands of ways.

In the wild, lone horses, herds of one, do not last long. There is no one to watch over them while they rest. There is no one to share the leadership and decision-making, no one help fend off predators, provide shelter from storms. With Colby's passing, I have lost my herd. I am, essentially, a lone horse picking my way up a rocky trail. My job now is to figure out what to do about it.