Chile

My heart aches for the people of Chile, as it does for those in Haiti. So many parents who have lost sons and daughters; the collected grief is almost unbearable. I talk to so many bereaved parents who, like some of the earthquake parents, don't know what actually happened to their sons and daughters. These parents search, day after day, hoping their child survives, hoping their child is safe. There are few happy endings. The "not knowing" adds greatly to the parent's pain.

I feel the panic, loss, despair, panic, sadness, grief these parents in Chile, Haiti, Okinawa and other places feel. I live the unbelievability of no longer sharing the Earth with your child. I wish I had words, answers. I do not. What I do have are strategies to get through the first few hours, days, of disaster and loss. I was there. I lived it. Am still living it. Will always live it. But when my son passed, when Colby passed, I didn't know a lot of the following. I wish I had because it would have helped me get through the first few hours and days.

1. Allow others to do for you. Allow others to help.
2. Be honest in telling others your needs. If you can't get out of bed, don't.
3. Realize that others are grieving, too. Hug them and allow them to hug you.
4. Understand that your child would want you to go on with your life, so do that for them.
5. Get medical attention if you can. The physical symptoms of shock and panic attack are real.
6. Take life one minute at a time. Do not look beyond that as it will be too overwhelming.
7. Breathe. Remember to breathe.
8. When you are able, stay busy. Let your subconscious process the early stages of the loss.
9. Help others as you can. Do it for your child. Make them proud.
10. This is not something you "get over." Over time, you will discover a "new normal" that is your life.
11. Your life is forever changed, but you can, eventually, live a full and worthwhile life.
12. Everyone grieves differently. Accept that and understand the choices of others.
13. Grief is a process. Processing the initial stages of the loss of a child can take years.
14. Grief is circular. There is no right or wrong with grief, It just is where it is.
15. Be kind to yourself. That your child was in a building that fell was not your fault.
16. Believe in whatever spirituality or religion you believe in, then embrace it.
17. Do something wonderful to honor your child's life and memory. Do it every day.