Maybe

I have a growing sense that Colby's passing is fate, destiny. I don't feel this way all the time, but I do frequently, and this morning is one of those times. Maybe Colby was never supposed to be here long. Maybe his entire purpose on Earth was to meet and encourage those he did meet, and to pass on at a young age as an example so others could live.

Colby's story is getting some attention in the health care reform debate. I will not take sides here other than to say I think every American deserves the opportunity to have affordable health care, and that mental illness should not be treated solely by taking vital signs and pulling blood for a drug screen. Beyond that I will leave it to those who are more knowledgeable to work out the details.

Colby's memorial web site gets a lot of hits from people who never met him. I get a lot of emails from that site from people I do not know. All say his story, his life, is both an inspiration and a wake up call as to the state of our health care system. Maybe in his passing, Colby will save others. One person, 20, 100, 5000. From the time he was small, Colby always said he would not grow old. Maybe we do have some input as to our path here on Earth before we are ever born. If so, maybe Colby had some sense of that. Maybe this was supposed to be.

I might be I am rationalizing here. It might be that as his mother I am trying to find some sense of peace, of acceptance. It might be this kind of thinking is part of my grieving process. Nothing will bring my son back or return my life to "normal," but right now, this morning, I find a small comfort in these ideas. Time will tell, but from where I sit at this moment, I hope with all I have that I am right.

Healthcare

Health care reform. I try to stay away from this subject, yet it flits around me constantly. It is too emotional a subject for me to discuss rationally. But today, on Facebook, people post their support for health care reform. The subject hits me broadside and I have to comment. I have to post, briefly, Colby's story.

I post that I know that my son is no longer here because our health care system failed him. Hospitals sent him away, even when he told medical personnel that he didn't want to live. People comment back that it can't be. Hospitals are required to "treat" people. Yes, each hospital processed Colby in, took his vitals. One ran a blood test for drugs. That is the extent of their "treatment." The hospital has satisfied the law and the patient, weeks later, is dead. So my son with schizophrenia, panic attacks, anxiety, depression and as a result of a lack of long term health care, addiction, is sent away with a list of resources we exhausted months ago.

That, friends, is our health care system today. I don't see how anyone can tell me our current system is right, moral, that it provides "adequate" care. I don't have a detailed solution, but I know that our lawmakers need to find a way to make health care available to all. Colby was a bright, young, talented, funny, kind, caring, loyal person. That he is no longer here with us is a tragedy, not only for me, but for the world.