Corners

I am being propelled very slowly down a long hallway. I am walking, but there is also an unseen force that keeps me walking. I am unable to stop. There are white linoleum tiles on the floor with yellow speckles, and cream colored walls. Every so often there is a brown, wooden door with a silver door handle, but each time I slow to open the door, I find it locked. Fluorescent lights brighten the hallway and overall, it is quite light. Behind me is a corner. There is another corner ahead of me. Sometimes when I look at the corner ahead is it a short distance away. Other times it is quite far.

I am afraid of the corner ahead of me. I have a lot of anxiety about it and whenever I think about rounding that corner I begin to tremble. I am not sure what is around the corner, but I believe it is something bad. Something terrible. I feel sick to my stomach but when I turn around to try to go back, I realize that around the corner I just came from is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Whatever is around the next corner might be bad, but it cannot be as bad as the last corner.

Even though I now know the next corner will not be as bad as the last, I wonder if I am up for it. The last corner has damaged me. Badly. I am not whole. I am not strong. Even though the next corner will not be as bad as the last I am not convinced I will survive it.

Someone comes toward me. I cannot tell if the person is male or female, even when he/she slows to pass me. We do not speak, but I am given the idea that what is around the next corner might not be bad. That possibility still exists, but there is also a possibility that around the next corner is something quite pleasant. Something nice.

I find that concept hard to grasp, to believe. I am in a place where only bad things happen to me. How can something good be next? My anxiety grows but as I look at the next corner I see that it is now, again, quite far away. Whatever is around the corner, I will have time to prepare for it. But, I wonder how I can brace myself for both the good and the bad? My anxiety grows as I am slowly propelled toward the next corner, the next challenge of my life. I wake up, but am not sure I was dreaming.