Wishes

Several people have sent me the following, and it is so true that I felt I should share.

"A Bereaved Parent's Holiday Wish List"
Author - Unknown

1. I wish with everything I have that my child hadn’t died. I wish I had him/her back.

2. I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he/she was important to you also and I treasure your stories.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. My child’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

4. I wish you wouldn’t “kill” my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.

5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

6. I need diversions, so I want to hear about you. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would ask about my child; I love to remember him.

7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

8. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.

9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.

10. I wish you wouldn’t expect me “not to think about it” or to “be happy.” Neither will happen for a very long time.

11. I don’t want to have a pity party, but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

13. When I say “I’m doing okay,” I wish you could understand that I am not okay and that I struggle daily.

14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

15. Your advice to “take one day at a time” is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I’m doing well to handle an hour at a time, or a minute.

16. Please excuse me if I seem rude; that is certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before he died, and I will never be that person again.

18. I wish very much that you could understand understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But, I pray daily that you will never understand, that you will never experience this loss.