Thoughts

I get through Thanksgiving intact. Somehow. During the day I try to think of happy Thanksgivings Colby and I had in the past. There were many of them that were very happy. I am fortunate that I had 23 Thanksgivings with my son. Other parents are not as lucky. But, ultimately, those happy thoughts are far too painful and I find myself at the trail head of a dark path, so I turn instead to an online support group. It is a huge help.

Here are a few thoughts from other people whose loved ones have passed. These statements resonate with me, and even though most of you have not experienced the loss of a child (although I know a few of you have) maybe you can find value in the words, too. I think most of the statements, if you think deeply enough about them, can apply to any situation of loss or tragedy.
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“Though the singer is silent there still is the truth of the song.” John Denver

I cry because if I don't, I might explode. I cry because I’ll never know if my son knew how very much I love him.

If we hadn't loved so deeply, we wouldn't hurt so much.

You were so fortunate to have embraced an angel for twenty-three years. What a gift!

My love for my son will never die, but it is so very hard to go on living without him. 

My life is defined by “that day,” and just like “that day” I have no control over anything. I am terrified.

I wish people around us could understand, then we wouldn't feel like we had to put on a mask. But I’d never wish that anyone experience the loss of a child. It is far too painful for words. I’ll just wear the mask.

I have survived for a reason, but I don’t care what that reason is.

I have to stay busy. That’s the only thing I know to do to keep from shriveling up inside.

I want to close myself off from everybody. If I am by myself it doesn't hurt as much. I can be myself. I can let loose and cry, rage, storm all I want. I don't have to wear a mask.

Additionally, I learned of a book called The Gift of Hope by Dr. Robert Venings. In it he describes a pattern of five stages that people go through after tragedy. The first, Stage One, is The Bomb Shell stage. In this stage, the person's initial reaction to the tragedy is to become numb, emotionless. The person may not be able to make decisions, because they are overwhelmed. They may have difficulty concentrating, or carrying on a conversation. They might experience anxiety, which can come through as hyperactivity, a stomach ache, shakiness, crying, hugging, rocking. “Thanksgiving” proved to me that grief really is a cycle. I am back to Stage One. The good news is there are just four stages to go.