Smile

Today I stop at a BP station for gas. I get out of the truck, insert my card and am hit with such a strong memory I momentarily forget to pump my gas. When Colby was two, BP had a slogan, "BP on the Move." The commercials played over and over, enough so that everyone who turned on a television was aware of them. One day we passed a BP here in Nashville and Colby got all excited and about jumped out of his car seat. "Look! Look," he cried just as we drove by. "It's BP and it's on the move!" I catch myself with the beginnings of a smile as I remember trying to explain physics to a two year old, that it is we who were moving, and not the BP station.

This moment, this memory, is the first time I've not had the shaky, unfocused feeling in many days. I've been overloaded, busy, tired, and have misplaced important things, things that have cost me time and money, and a great deal of stress. I've also been missing Colby terribly. He always knew the right thing to say, to do, to help. Not having him here during this time has made it a thousand times worse.

I remember Colby being unfocused and upset and telling him to take a step back, to stop doing, to think, assess, plan. So that's what I did and a few hours later I find myself smiling. Almost.