Monday, November 9, 2009


Colby was the finder in our family. If anything was lost, he would come in, send a sweeping glance across the room and spot the missing item in an instant. Either that or he knew my mother and me so well that he'd instinctively know where we put things. The finding didn't extend to his own items, just ours, but it was a talent he developed early and he became our official "finder" well before he entered kindergarten.

I can't possibly recall the number of times he found my glasses, my cell phone, my keys. When I get tired I tend to put things in strange places: the cell phone in the freezer, my glasses in the laundry basket. Since Colby's passing I have been very careful not to get over tired, or at least be aware of my low energy level. Last night when I got home after several days on the road, I was apparently more tired than I realized. I opened the front door with my keys and they have not been seen since. I have spent more than 24-hours looking for them and know now that it will take more than just my eyes to find them, if they are even here. It is possible I placed them on the bumper of a truck and when it drove off, it took my keys with it. I just don't know.

I hate this tired, scattered feeling. I hate not being organized, efficient. I let a lot of people down today because I could not keep commitments I made to them last week and now I will let others down tomorrow. If I can't find my keys it will be at least a day's job to go through the logistics and expense of replacing them. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I just slip further and further behind. I hope that a good night's sleep puts it all in perspective. I hope that I miraculously develop some of Colby's finding ability. I hope tomorrow is a much easier day.

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