Care

I realize, just now, that I am not taking care of myself as I used to. I have always been careful about what I eat, limiting wheat, refined sugar, preservatives, trying to eat "all natural," or organic when I can. I used to take vitamins and herbs to help my body function.  Somewhere along the way, since Colby passed, all that went along the wayside. Yesterday I found myself stuffing my body with junk and realize this has been going on for some time. In addition to the physical evidence of the M&M's bag (extra large), I can tell I am eating junk because I am so tired. I am stiff. My body aches. You are what you eat and I have been eating a lot of things my body does not tolerate well. This is (partly) why I have not been feeling well, not been as productive as I would like.

The realization is good news. I have felt so horrible lately and now I have an easy fix. This is such a relief because eating healthy is easy for me. I've been doing it for a long time. When Colby was about 5 he complained to me that a friend had a "lunchable" in his sack for lunch at school and he didn't. The next time we went to the store we had a lesson in nutrition and for many years after that Colby made good choices in his eating habits, choosing a homemade tuna sandwich over, for example, packaged cheese and crackers and a moon pie. In recent years that changed and Colby lived mostly on frozen burritos and pizza, and pop. Occasionally he'd come home and fix himself a salad or thaw some homemade soup.

I know first hand how much what you eat affects your body, how you feel, how much you can enjoy life. Beginning today I am off the junk food and I will be more aware of what I am eating. I will begin taking my herbs and vitamins again. This focus on nutrition will, I hope, help me focus in other areas, too. I need that. My brain is still foggy, overwhelmed, exhausted. Maybe if I give it the fuel it needs, take care of it, nurture it, it will be better equipped to carry me through the long process of grief.