Saturday, October 31, 2009


Today I hear from two more people who are having emotional problems. The problems are not entirely due to Colby's passing, but do play a significant part. I do not think any of us realize how many people care for us, how many people we touch, how much we really do make a difference in the world. We are all so close to our own reality that we cannot take a step back to see that, yes, we are important to others, and that if we are not here, others will be affected, sad, lost, lonely.

It is a fact of life that we get so busy that our priorities slip. Then we forget about the things that truly matter: other people, causes we believe in, doing the little things that make life so much easier for others. I was fortunate that Colby and I said "I love you" to each other every single day. Those three words were, in fact, the last words we spoke to each other, not knowing, of course, at the time, that they would be the last.

I know that Colby had no idea of the strong impact he made on others, or how many other people loved him, cared for him, wanted to help, tried to help. I also know that Colby would not want us to grieve for him, to play the "what if" game, to be, as previously stated: sad, lost, lonely. But we do. We are. For me, and I believe for some of the others who are struggling so much with Colby's passing, that this has brought a host of other issues to the forefront. Then it becomes not just the loss of Colby, but the loss of every person we have loved and who has gone on, it is the loss of every friendship that is irretrievably broken, every job opportunity we let slip by, every life possibility that did not happen. It becomes all the tragedy in our lives rolled into one and it overwhelms, knocks some of us to our knees.

Grief is complicated. It is a process. It is depressing, sad, shaky, emotional, gut-wrenching, angry. I am not the only one suffering here. In addition to those who loved and lost Colby, there are thousands of parents who have lost their children, families who have lost loved ones, spouses who are suddenly single. Loss is the tougher part of life. For those of you who know someone who his grieving for a loved one, I hope you reach out. It is important to know that the loss does not have to be recent. Someone told me the other day it took more than a dozen years to deal with and accept the loss of this individual's parent. A friendly ear to listen, a strong shoulder to cry on, a pair of capable hands can mean all the difference. I am so blessed to have so many who offer this to me on a daily, hourly, basis. I do not always accept, but the offers bring me comfort. They help. If you know someone like me, like my friends, Colby's friends, who are grieving, hurting, please offer your ear, your shoulder, your hands, for the potential loss of these amazing people would compound the initial tragedy. It would be beyond devastating. Here, you can make a difference.

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