Aftermath

Today I find a recycling center and place 27 World Book encyclopedias from 1979 carefully in a bin. I am crying by the time I get to the third book. These were not Colby's personal volumes, although they could have been. He was interested in such a wide variety of subjects that he would get pleasantly lost in books such as these. These books Colby had obtained somewhere, most likely for free, and had hoped to "re-home" them. He did that a lot. So much so, that my basement is still full of "stuff" that needs to be re-homed. Colby's mindset was that we all throw away things that still have use, maybe not for us, but for someone else. I believe that is true. One of Colby's "missions" while he was here with us was to get people to understand that we as a society are using more than our share of the Earth's resources.

This is the reason for my tears. Despite my best efforts I could not find a home for these books. They were too heavy to list online; shipping them would have been prohibitive. The Goodwill and Salvation Army, along with all the used bookstores in town rejected this lot as too dated. 1979 was, after all, thirty years ago. A Craigslist ad went unanswered and I finally came to the conclusion that the only home for these books was the recycle bin.

Those who pass young, or suddenly, or young and suddenly, do not give much thought to the aftermath of their passing, including the disposition of their possessions. I take great care to try to do what Colby would have wanted with his stuff. I am mostly clueless. I often have no idea if a specific CD or a book, a torn ticket stub, a shirt, a poster, was especially meaningful to him, or to one of his friends.

With books, however, his intent was quite clear. I was taught from an early age that books are a gift to be treated reverently; they are not to be thrown out. I passed this school of thought along to Colby and now I feel as if I have failed him. I place the last of the World Books gently in the bin and turn away, defeated. At least they will be recycled. Colby would have taken some consolation in that, and so, too, will I. I did my best and no one can ask for any more than that. I decide not to be so hard on myself so I wipe the tears away and head to the house. Maybe in his piles of stuff I will find something else I can re-home yet today. I know that whatever I find I will try my best to make that happen.