Remembering

I have lots of emails tonight and am amazed at the number of them. To the Realtors in Chicago and the mother of the schizophrenic twins in Arizona, to B. in Canada, and the many parents of recently passed children, thank you. I am glad my words touch you, and that my thoughts help you through your days. I appreciate the prayers and support more than you know. Together, I hope we continue to help each other.

For an upcoming counseling session I make a list of memories today. They are random memories, random thoughts. I am not sure what they mean or even if they are supposed to mean anything. The exercise, my counselor says, should allow me to recall events I had forgotten about. And it does. Here are a few of them: Colby and my mom bonding with a racehorse she owned 1/32 of, Colby laughing on the dock at the lake; in the playroom at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital during a severe asthma attack; the two of us under the hood of his first car figuring out how to put oil in; cheering him home after he hit a grand slam to win a baseball game; teaching Colby to swim, to dive, to ride a horse, to drive a car, to make snow angels; going to the Humane Association and watching Sundance choose Colby; serving as one of the chaperones for Colby's 2nd grade field trip; and a magical New Year's Eve walk through our neighborhood after it had snowed. Colby was nine, or maybe ten, and no one else was out. Our footprints were the only marks on a road absent of tire tracks. It was quiet, and the only thing we could hear was the falling snow. We spoke of that walk often in recent years.

Yes, there are sad memories, too. Emotional memories, panicky memories, angry memories, scary memories. But today I remember Colby when he was younger, happier. Maybe it's because at that time in his life Colby was a force of nature, of positive energy. Tomorrow's memories will most likely be from a different time and bring forth a different emotion. Like most people, Colby was complex. Most of us act professionally at work and more casually at home, and Colby's many interests and talents, life successes and challenges, allowed him to present different sides of himself to different people. Plus, we all grow and change as we journey through life. Colby's journey was short, but I am finding that I do have a wealth of memories, and it will take me a lifetime to recall them all.