Learning

This morning I tackle another counseling task, and that is to remember what I learned from Colby. I am sure this list will go on and on over time. But already I have come up with a few things.

1. I learned I have the capacity to love unconditionally for all eternity. I will never stop loving my son with all my heart.
2. I found I have far more compassion that I ever thought possible. Many people struggle in this life and I have learned to be open and understanding of those struggles.
3. I learned to accept people for who they really are and not how they appear. Life circumstances can change a person's dress, the car they drive, etc. but that does not mean they are less of a person.
4. He taught me that it is okay to sometimes be silly (and that it's a lot of fun!).
5. Through Colby I found I was interested in subjects I never thought I would be interested in.
6. I discovered to my dismay that yes, you absolutely can have one too many books.
7. Colby taught me that a child can eat spaghetti every night for a year and still have normal growth.
8. I learned that ten-year-old boys do get homesick, even if mom is less than an hour away.
9. I found through my son that I like hummus, sushi and a host of other foods I never thought I'd eat.
10. I learned to be amazed by Colby. With all of his struggles, including mental illness, Colby could still find a genuine smile. I'm not sure I could do the same.

For better or for worse, everyone we meet teaches us something. It is up to us to grasp the lesson and benefit from it. In our society we all are so busy doing that we forget to sit on the porch and think, to process our life, to appreciate our loved ones. Colby always had time for thought and he came up with the most amazing things: accurate perceptions of people, viable ideas for businesses and social reform, interesting theories on history and the meaning of life.

We do a lot of things right in our world. But we also do a lot of things wrong and from his earliest years that troubled Colby the most. He never understood why things that didn't work in society and in life were the way they were. He wanted to change those things, to make them better and, of course, he couldn't. He struggled with that. Greatly. And that is another thing I am trying to learn from my son, even after his passing. We can't fix everyone or everything. We can only do what we can do. If we do our very best at whatever it we are doing, then that has to be enough, for no one can do more than their best.