Saturday night I had a dream. Colby and I are in a hardware store near where my mother lives, except the store in the dream is much larger than it is in real life. We are waiting in line to check out. As we wait, Colby balances a metal yardstick on his index finger and repeatedly spits on the yardstick, then stares intently at the spot where the spit lands. I am exasperated with him because he knows it is not polite to spit in public, but he is to absorbed in the yardstick to notice.
Sunday morning I am unsettled by the dream. Does it have a meaning? If so, what? Or, is it a collection of my subconscious thoughts? If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. I am clueless.
This Sunday morning I am nervous and unable to cope with the smallest setbacks. The Internet at the hotel is down and over this I have a meltdown in my room. I pull myself together. I have things to do. I take a deep breath. One by one, I load my truck, check out of the hotel, get in the truck, and drive to the farm where the morning's equine therapy demonstrations will take place.
I now realize why I am nervous. My energy is still on a roller coaster and here, now, today, I will be physically near several horses I have never met. I worry about how the horses will react. I know the horses will be a much better judge than I am right now of my mental state. I so badly want the horses to tell me I am okay, but in my heart I know it is far too soon for that.
I also want to be around my equine friends at home. I miss them terribly. I know at the appropriate time they will help me, but I will not do anything to disturb the trust, confidence and respect I have spent so long building with them. If that means staying away a little longer, I will.
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I believe that we have different kinds of dreams. Lots of people say that dreams me nothing, and I certainly believe that SOME dreams do mean nothing...but I believe the vast majority of dreams that we have do have meanings...very deep ones. I have always been an extremely vivid dreamer so...I have lots of books on dream interpretation.
ReplyDeleteDreamMoods.com and Dream Dictionary says that dreaming of a hardware store indicates that you need to make some self improvement, and adjust attitudes.
To dream of a yardstick is a sign of..acceptance, and good judgment.
And Spit..from DreamMoods.com says: "To spit in your dream, signifies an aspect of yourself that you need to get rid of. Or the dream could imply that you have something that you want to say. Spit it out! Alternatively, spitting represents anger, spite and contempt."
However, it doesnt say anything about someone else spitting..so thats weird.
Whenever I look up the meanings of the different symbolism in dreams I have, I just look up the symbols separately, and then try my hardest to dig deep within myself, and my subconscious to figure out how all of these different symbols and meanings apply to myself, the people around me, and different situations.
They say that when you dream of someone, that person is, in return, thinking or dreaming of you. Now, I dunno how true that is...but I choose to believe it, and find solace in it..especially because lately I have dreams of Colby..almost every night. Some of them are obviously just my subconscious playing around and dancing in my head...replaying thoughts I had as I drifted of..but there have been a few that are MORE than dreams, you know?
Anyhow..
Thank you for writing all of this. Its really aided a lot in my own personal journey to some kind of healing. I am a blogger..and have been for many years, however, I havent chosen to write about this yet. I do not know when I will find the strength to be able to...but in the meantime, reading your words has been amazing.
Oh yeah, I also wanted to point out, now I have never seen Colbys dad or anything but omg he looks....just like you. JUST LIKE YOU!