Survival

The grief and sadness hit me at the oddest times. Often, nothing triggers it. It just comes and the tears fall. I am helpless to stop them. Other times an object reminds me of a wonderful time we had and I think of all the wonderful times we won't have in the future. Today I find his binoculars and remember the many times we went hiking and used them to look in the trees and brush for birds and other animals. How I wish we could take those binoculars out together again. Colby was always a talker and we had such great conversations on our hikes. His friends all tell me how much they miss talking with him and I feel the same way. People tell me to remember the good times, but it's better if I don't think, don't remember. Someday I know I will think fondly of our good times. But not yet. Not today. Today I keep busy, too busy to think and for now, that's how I survive.