Hard

Today is hard. It's just one of those days that follow the numb days. I find myself becoming mad at Colby for leaving, then feel so very guilty for feeling that way. Mental illness was not his fault. He never asked for it and struggled bravely for years. I realize anger is a normal stage of grief, that I should embrace it for it is a sign I am moving normally through the stages. Then I become angry at God and the universe. Life was so hard for Colby. Why? No one should have to endure all he did in being ill and not being able to get the mental and medical help he needed. Life backfired on him and he never had a chance.

A friend I haven't talked to since Colby passed called and I have a major meltdown. Life can be so unfair. Life can be so hard. I try to stay positive, but it is one of those days when that is just not possible. So I do the best I can and just exist. Maybe tomorrow will be better.