Normal

The numbness returns this morning. I do research on the Internet and find this roller coaster of jittery emotion followed by numb guilt is normal. Apparently I can expect this to last a while. There is much to do for Colby's Celebration of Life and I will spend a few hours on that, but I also need to get back to work. I have clients who need projects that were half-finished when Colby died completed. It is hard to focus on any one thing, but today I will make an effort.

I feel guilty for trying to get back to work. My son has passed to a better place. I should spend the rest of my life on my knees mourning him. That's my Catholic background speaking. I know that scenario is not realistic or healthy, but it is how I feel at this moment. In emailing other bereaved parents I know this numb guilt is part of the process. Every parent seems to go through it. In this I am normal, and whatever little bit of normalcy I can grasp on to right now is welcomed.