Love

This morning I am very sad, but calmer. This roller coaster of emotions is unusual for me. I am usually on an even keel and on top of things. The death of a child changes that, and I must learn to deal with it. Recently, I missed several meetings. That is totally unlike me and I feel bad that I caused others to be inconvenienced. I spend an hour working on long-term plans to honor Colby's memory and hope to announce those to the world sometime in late September or early October. Keeping busy, setting tasks and goals, helps. It keeps me from thinking and I know I need to think and process, but sometimes it is too painful, too raw. I will get there in time.

Colby would not want me to be so sad, to miss him so much, but that is how a parent's love for a child works. Sometimes I think of his spirit, his soul, zooming across the sky doing flips, soaring up higher and higher, then falling backwards into an easy float. He loved extreme sports and was always the kid who wanted to climb the highest, jump the farthest, run the fastest. I like to think he is doing just that right now.