Time

I go through more of Colby's "stuff" and find I have inherited 9 flashlights, more than 100 t-shirts, 6 hammers, a tiny tent, 142 feet of 600-volt ground cable, over 700 books, a backpack made out of a towel, a single oar, and three golf clubs. This is all among two bedrooms, one car, and half a basement full of other things. My goal is to sort through 20 items a day. Doesn't seem like much but every object either brings memories or questions. Either "I remember when . . ." or "What the heck is this?" Both slow the process down. I also feel compelled to do with the object as Colby would have wanted. Should I toss it? Give it to one of his friends? Which friend? Keep it? Give it to the Goodwill? After 20 items I am mentally exhausted. I give myself a time frame of 6 months to get through it all. I have heard from parents who have not touched their child's things and it's been years since they passed. All I can say is they didn't have Colby for a son. I am overwhelmed with "stuff." I can't think, I have so much "stuff." In the basement I now see 18 broken skateboards, 2 scooters that do not run, 5 bicycles, a shopping cart, and a drum kit. The list goes on, and on . . .

It is four weeks today since Colby passed. I decide I don't like the word "died." Died indicates he is no longer, that there is no afterlife. I believe that there is and that when my time comes I will see him again. And for those of you who are worried about me, thank you for your prayers and concern. But, I don't plan to "see" Colby anytime soon. In fact, my goal is to live to be 100 and I am only a little more than half-way there. I have lots yet to do. And I will get it all done. I just have to allow time to process this tragic loss and figure out a new plan for the rest of my life. It will take time and I know I will be emotional and sad for a long time yet. But eventually, in time, I will be okay.